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May 3, 2021Often in my writings I have used my personal battle with mental illness as a way to relate Faith. As May is mental health awareness month, I would like to tell another story to encourage everyone no matter what their battle is to keep Faith in our God.
Going to World Youth Day in Panama God revealed Himself to me in many ways, but the most powerful was during an English gathering of pilgrims that included Eucharistic Exposition. There is something indescribable that happens when you come face to face with God in the Eucharist and if you haven’t experienced it, I highly recommend stopping by our parish anytime on Tuesdays from 9 am-6 pm. Bishop Robert Barron processed through the crowd holding Jesus in the Monstrance high and as he walked by close enough for me to touch his garments, I felt my heart moved to tears.
You see, I battle a lifelong chronic mental illness. I have helped at many healing services in this parish, been prayed over many times, and been told by people if I just had enough faith it would go away. I believe 100% that God heals people today and have seen it myself, and yet every time I was prayed over I felt this presence in my heart that told me God didn’t intend to heal me. So as I looked longingly into the face of Jesus I couldn’t help but ask him, “why God, why don’t you want to heal me?”
I wish I could relate to you word for word the message that came into my heart, but this poorly told description will have to do. In a perfect world, there would be no illness. If there had never been original sin, you and I would be incredibly different people. I felt Him telling me, He knew who I would have been without this illness, in this perfect world I longed for, but in God’s perfect plan, He liked this Trisha even more. God doesn’t give us our illnesses. Suffering is a result of sin and an absence of good, something God is incapable of making. But God is perfect, and so when sin causes one result, God replans and reforms to make something even better. So yes, if there was no original sin you and I would be very different people, but God used original sin to form us into even greater images of His glory.
Suffering isn’t necessarily a result of lack of faith or anything we’ve done. It is just a result of evil entering into our world. Like it or not though, suffering is necessary. Why? Well, because we have all sinned causing suffering to become necessary for our salvation. Jesus showed us this on the cross when He used His suffering to redeem us from our sins. Think about it, how many times has struggles in your life or those of your loved ones brought you to your knees? Or when offering up our struggles has helped us overcome certain sins in our life? The friends in my life who have never suffered tend to also be the ones who don’t consider God necessary in their lives. Even though it doesn’t seem like it, suffering is a gift.
After this Eucharistic God moment, I felt a deep peace. It doesn’t mean that on days that the battle is hardest, I still don’t ask Him to take them away. But it does mean that I also have an easier time saying, not my will but thine be done. I can accept all suffering as a grace from God as I realize the reward that comes with it. Eternal Life. Not just for myself, but those around me as well. No matter what your battle is, don’t give up. Everyone has one, but I promise you, the fight is worth it. How better to know the heart of Jesus Christ than to suffer with Him. This is how we are transformed even more into the image and likeness of God. So yes, it can be overstated, but it is well worth it to pick up our crosses daily and carry on.
